Published: 2023-04-03
Do you recall your last argument with your parents? Whether it was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or one day ago. As a teen, I argue with my parents fairly often as one would expect. My parents call it "disagreements". My brother and my sister too. Sometimes when we argue, what the other party says at that moment just makes it worse and I feel the urge to retaliate. What if there was a way to quickly resolve arguments and solve the real problem(s) at hand as fast as possible rather than never-ending grudges and complaints? How would you like your parents to respond or act in an argument?
Personally, when I'm angry, I don't want to talk. And my dad didn't know that before I told him recently. So, every time we got into an argument, he would talk and talk. And talk slowly he did, which compounded the issue. To the point where, one, it pisses me off more as I'm not in the mood to talk. And two, none of what he says gets digested by me. So, not only does it waste our time, but it also just makes the matter worse when that is not his intent. Instead, my preference for dealing with arguments would be for my parents to leave me alone when I'm mad and discuss after. I've cooled down.
Here's my dad's take on this matter. 'Logically, I should not engage when I'm angry or frustrated and not in control and will continue to practice this. The situation is made worse when the response (facial expression, body language, and words) from our children is defensive and rude. However, the issue needs to be revisited and it's usually forgotten or not settled if it was not engaged on the spot. So, let's come to a common agreement on what to do when future events like this repeat themselves. The intention is really to express my displeasure, state that it's not acceptable, and find a solution for us to deal with it if it happens again. Also want to take the opportunity to discuss, understand, guide, and advise so both parties elevate and get better.'
My younger sister Kate has something to say too, 'When dad or mom asks me to do something, I always procrastinate. Hence, they get mad or annoyed. But sometimes when I said multiple times that I will do it, I will actually do it. My opinion is that dad or mom should be a little more patient regarding the word "later" and trust that I will complete the task sooner or later.'
Actually, this is a common frustration for me too. I find that procrastination is very bad and I'm currently working on procrastinating less, but work takes time and perhaps sometimes a gentle reminder will do. Even though I know most of the time a gentle reminder from my parents doesn't necessarily get me to do what I'm supposed to do. So sometimes maybe a more forceful approach may be taken and that is completely understandable from how I see it.
In conclusion, every family has their own way of resolving arguments and a discussion is probably best for both parties to understand the other's point of view and for both sides to agree on how matters should be handled.
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