Published: 2022-09-10
Do you ever feel like you can't tell your parents something or don't want to? For me, ALL THE TIME. As a child, I used to cause so much trouble in school. Trying to skip classes, arguing with teachers, fighting with my classmates, and more. I never told my mom what went on in school, but the teachers did of course. And when my mom found out, she would get so angry at me and I would typically get punished. After a while, I realized whenever I told my mom what actually happened in school on a particular day before the teacher told her, she wouldn't be as angry compared to if I did not tell her beforehand. That's when I started owning up to my mistakes and my punishments started to lessen. Before this, I always thought telling my mom about what I did wrong would end up with me having horrible consequences. As a result of this thinking, I never told my mom anything with the fear I had of getting punished.
My mom said, 'As a parent, I hope my kids speak the truth to avoid the issue potentially becoming a threat to themselves or others without them realizing. Eg: going out with random friends/acquaintances without our knowledge, addictions, gambling, sex, social smoking, social drinking &, etc. We as parents are here to observe, guide, and maneuver situations together with our kids so that one day they can be skillful enough to face the real world as they move on in life. We hope to equip them with different skills and techniques that we know and explore together to find the best possible solutions toward a healthy life ahead.'
My dad also shared, 'When I was a child, I always hid things that I had done wrong or what I thought would be deemed wrong by my parents. The reasons were that I would always get reprimanded and punished when they came to know about it. So I thought, why would I volunteer to be punished? When I became a parent myself, I went on the same track, when our children did something wrong, they would be punished, physically or emotionally. When I finally realized that it should not be that way, I decided to make a change, and change what I did. I assured our children that when they had done something wrong, I encouraged them to come clean as soon as they could and I would work with them, be on their side and resolve the problems before they became too big. At appropriate times, we will educate them but we do our best never to reprimand and punish. We're still humans and sometimes we mess up too. But if confidence is built and safety is established between parents and children, there is a higher probability that you'll know about the issues when they happen instead of them being hidden from you. I fully understand why children would not share because they get punished afterward. If there is support, understanding, and working together to figure out and improve for future similar situations, children would slowly but surely open up. As usual, we as parents know kids will never share everything that they've done wrong. But, that's ok and they are humans too.'
Even after hearing what my parents said, there is still that uncertainty and I am still tentative to tell them everything. Establishing mutual trust takes time and hopefully one day I will be able to open up to most of the issues I have.